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Throwing an extravagant party is an art form. You want to create elegance without excess, orchestrating an evening that will be the talk of the season, rather than just throwing money at the situation and demonstrating a total lack of taste.
But what’s worth spending money on, and what’s simply showing off?
To make a statement, you might want to book a party planner. But be prepared. By the time you’ve served drinks, dinner and booked entertainment you probably won’t be getting much change from £100,000. Things can get out of hand quickly.
My first rule of thumb is that an extravagant party should only be thrown for a good reason: a milestone age or a celebration. When I was 30, I took my family out to lunch. When I was 40, I held a roof terrace drinks party at a members’ club, serving canapés and cold fizz with a DJ. It was a lot of fun — and proved there was life in the old dog yet.
When it came to marking my 50th, it was the middle of Covid. The rules changed and the simplest of parties turned out to be one of the best. First because it was a surprise, I didn’t have to organise anything. And second, because of the pandemic, we couldn’t actually get together. I was ushered on to a podium, friends drove past in their own cars, each with a letter spelling out “Happy 50th Birthday James!”
Once the message had been delivered, cars parked up and down the street. Socially distanced, guests drank their own fizz and ate their own food. Glass in hand, I walked up and down the street with the dogs, chatting to everyone. It was one of the most memorable parties I’ve ever held — and the cheapest.
Picking a venue is the trickiest choice. Holding it at home, you’ll have to move furniture, deep clean the house and face disruption for days. You’ll find bits of discarded vol-au-vents for weeks after the event. And your downstairs loo will never recover. Which leads to the inevitable choice of a marquee in the garden, ruining your lawn for the rest of the season.
Marquees are invariably too warm if the weather is clement. And the most awful place to be should it be wet and windy, reminding me why I’ve never opted to go on a camping holiday. Pay for a proper floor to avoid festival vibes and veto chandeliers. You’re not holding an auction. Stage and table lighting with multiple candelabras are more stylish. Sure, you could rent one for a few thousand pounds, but it’ll be a tent. A proper one costs between £20,000 and £50,000. Filling them with flowers only serves to tell people you’ve never been this old. There’s a whiff of the funeral parlour — and it’s thousands of pounds you’ll never see again. I’d rather rent plants and install festoon lighting.
Garden parties mean the inevitable Portaloo provision. No amount of fancy soaps will make these hideous contraptions acceptable, but you’re stuck with them.
You’re not stuck with ice sculptures, though. They’re out. It’s not a corporate do. What about an ice bar with a vodka luge? Also no. Unless you’re a footballer.
Great music is vital. A decent DJ costs around £1,000 for an evening or £1,500 for the whole day. That’s unless you want a celebrity. Expect to drop £5,000-£10,000 for anyone you’ve actually heard of. And for later, book a live act. A covers band will fill the dance floor and £3,000 to £5,000 will suffice. Of course, you could blow the budget and get someone really famous, but is it worth the money? I’ve yet to be convinced.
Parties on boats are generally a horrific experience: trapping your guests so they can’t escape is never a good option. Book a venue on dry land instead. I’ll never turn down an invitation to a do at Claridge’s, The Dorchester or The Savoy. But just because it’s well known doesn’t mean it’s good. A decent pub or club might be better.
Rather than a lavish evening event for 200 people, I’d favour a weekend away. For one friend’s 50th, we went to a country house hotel, where they’d booked all the rooms for a private party for 50 guests. It makes owning an Aston Martin worthwhile, because not only is the crunch of a gravel drive under tyre magnificent but you’ll always be given the best parking spot by the staff. With a spectacular dinner and fireworks afterwards, it turned out to be an evening I’ll never forget. Even then, it probably cost a cool quarter of a million.
Then there’s the booze. Prosecco is a no. Though I’d never turn my nose up at beautifully chilled Bolly or Veuve, go for generic fizz. If you must. After all, after the first glass, few will notice the difference. If you fancy some English fizz, serve Gusbourne or my favourite small producer, Busi Jacobsohn. It shows a little more originality. But do you need to serve vintage? No. Krug? It won’t be appreciated. Or Cristal? You’re probably not a rap artist.
And finally, avoid any bespoke printed labels or monogrammed party gifts. Your guests will conclude you have more money than sense.
And that’s the point. A great party will be talked about because of the fun you had with the people who were there, not the money you spent. Last week, I celebrated my 54th birthday. A simple affair that allowed me to plunder my cellar. We clattered through 30 bottles at the beach hut, served an array of homemade snacks, made cupcakes with candles and danced to a playlist pumped through a powerful party speaker system.
Guests may have stumbled into a few hedges on the way home but we all had a fabulous evening. Glamorous? No. Memorable, certainly. With six years to think about how to plan and start saving for my 60th, maybe I’ll opt for an event that’s simpler, less extravagant — and entirely focused on fun.
James Max is a broadcaster on TV and radio and a property expert. The views expressed are personal. X, Instagram & Threads @thejamesmax
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