How Elders Are Affected By The Current Mental Health Crisis

High profile people are talking openly about their mental health issues. Perhaps that will make discussion about the issue less stigmatized. By publicizing the struggle of this by famous and high profile people, our society may see that you don’t have to think of someone as “crazy” for needing mental health help.

For aging people,the pandemic certainly created a worse problem than there was before. Many elders were already struggling with isolation when Covid forced them into lockdowns. From my own observations at AgingParents.com, I see a recurring theme still: aging parents are not making connections with others, not getting out much and resist joining things that might help. They refuse therapy. Their adult children tell me the aging parent who is clearly miserable says “I’m not nuts. I don’t believe in psychology or any of that stuff”. They refuse offers of help.

The Effect of Social Isolation On Elders

It is well understood in geriatrics that social isolation is bad for our elders’ mental and physical health. It’s worse when age-related limitations of mobility, hearing and vision loss compound being alone, along with the decision to avoid risking exposure to the virus that has killed a million Americans.

With the pandemic, “isolation” became an everyday term, along with social distancing, staying at home, avoiding close contact with others, etc. Seniors who were depressed got more depressed. Lonely folks felt the pain more acutely than ever. The media has emphasized how these pandemic urgencies that closed schools have adversely affected our kids. Media reports tend to underemphasize how devastating these effects are on aging people already coping with loss and loneliness.

Normal Losses Associated With Aging

With aging, people lose spouses and friends. They may lose the ability to be independent in their activities of daily living. They may have to give up driving. Experiencing loss and outliving those close to us is built in to aging. Then, on top of that, the social connections some had were cut off for many months. A lot of elders felt worse than ever, not able to go out for a meal, or meet friends for activities, or even meet face-to-face with family.

Depression

The aftermath is that many people do not have a specific plan for how to recover from the isolation they experienced. They’re depressed. Drugs are offered and some find that helpful but it does not fix the underlying issue—how to get and stay connected to others and relieve the unrelenting sadness. What can elders do about it?

Stigma

Our aging parents grew up with a stigma about mental health. It persists. The words of a single, 72-year-old client who is trying desperately to help a dear friend in a nursing home are typical, I think. He is sad, angry, and can’t seem to get past that. I asked him what he was going to do about the pain in his heart. He commented that those words, “pain in my heart” were a good say to describe it. I recognize the classic signs of depression his conversation reveals. Counseling would likely be of benefit to him. I suggested that he consider therapy. His response was “I’ve never had counseling in my life and I’m not going to get it now”. He remains stuck in his own misery.

No one can really push another person to get mental health help. We can suggest it. We can offer to do research to find appropriate providers in the person’s area. We can ask which providers offer telemedicine visits. We can point out a celebrity, athlete or politician who made their mental health struggles public along with the efforts they made at getting treatment. We can continue to encourage therapy either in person or via telemedicine. But we can’t make anyone see a therapist. Their own willingness to look within and find a way out of the dark hole of depression or anxiety or whatever it may be, is essential to success. Some will stubbornly refuse to look within. It’s too threatening.

The Hope About Depression And Good News

Mental health issues such as depression are very common, particularly among elders experiencing these losses and social isolation. The good news is that it is treatable. Success rates for relieving the symptoms are high. But it does take more than medications to properly treat depression. People need to talk it out with a professional. They can have support in voicing all the emotions that got them to that dark place. A competent therapist will help a client devise ways to cope with the emotions and to take action when they start to feel loss of control. It is a learning experience. Therapy to treat depression helps most those who seek that help. According to the National Network of Depression Centers, 80% of those who sought treatment showed an improvement of symptoms within four to six weeks of starting treatment. Yes, there are exceptions and sometimes several kinds of treatment are indicated in the hardest cases. But most people who get treatment can experience relief and regain the ability to enjoy things in their lives.

What Can You Do With A Depressed Aging Parent?

1. You can respectfully point to any one of the famous people your parent knows about who have publicly announced their own struggles with mental health and have sought treatment. You can say, if it’s okay for them, it’s okay for you, Mom/Dad/Grandma.
2. For elders, getting a licensed psychologist to treat them for depression is truly a challenge even if they are willing to go. Medicare (and just about all other major insurers) do not pay experienced mental health providers fairly. Therefore, large numbers of qualified therapists will not accept Medicare payment. You can help by doing the search for a provider. It may be a long process to find one. Persist.
3. Encourage your aging parent to talk about what is going on with them right now. Listen, and do not judge or offer advice, or tell them they’ll get over it. Offering a loved one the space to talk about anything emotional is a gift you can give. You don’t have to be skilled at anything other than being respectful and keeping your mouth closed.
4. Offer to accompany them to a first therapy visit if they are willing to go and you are available. You won’t be in the session with them. But for someone who is fearful of the idea, the presence of a loved one, just for emotional support and company on the way could help. Telemedicine is less intimidating and may be a better option if your loved one accepts it. However, in person visits have greater depth and can be more effective.

For us at AgingParents.com, a team of myself, an RN-Attorney and Dr.Davis, a geriatric psychologist, the issues of mental health and elders are part of our professional lives. I experience frustration and sadness when I know an elder is suffering and won’t seek the help they need to address it. If this is going on in your family, do make your best effort to persuade the aging person to get professional support. It can change lives.